literature

Army of brothers -- Extended

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Shadowyoshi022's avatar
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Literature Text

Me and my army of brothers went over the hill,
Shouting all around, sinking in like a drill,
drenched in blood we may be,
But all the fighting is left to me,
Gunfire heard all around,
Too loud to grasp a single sound,
And yet...we still fight
And us, me with my army of brothers...
down we'll fall… darkness in all...
even through hell we crawl.
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I went over the hill,
Adrenaline flowing, starting a thrill,
drenched in blood I may be,
but fighting is all that's left to me,
The constant screaming being drowned,
by the gunfire's constant pound,
must not stop, must not fall,
made an oath, through hell I'll crawl,
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The war, ended it may be,
but its still going inside of me,
all that I've done, all that I've killed,
all the blood that has been spilled...
gunfire's echo, causing a fright,
its all that hear, in the peace of night,
"I must stay normal, I must stand tall,
Guess its time, through hell I shall crawl.."
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Me and my army of brothers went over the hill,
if only we knew, of wars cold chill....
Well, here it is the final edit.
This probably has got to be one of my FAVORITE pieces in total!
It has nice flow, a nice rhyme, it involves one of the few things I study with complete interest...
Its perfect in all ways in my opinion ^_^
I spent a LOT of time fixing and tweaking this and I have to say I have made myself extremely happy :D
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ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM FIRST
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I must give some credit to a video for a few lines that inspired me (they're in the poem)
Anyway, I REALLY like this poem.
It matches my interest and isn't complete shit.
So feel fuzzy...then cry because this might happen to my brother...he's graduating boot camp on the 25th.
He is his squad leader, in one of the best squads on the island.
I really hope nothing happens to him if he gets put out...
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:iconepicbadge1plz::iconepicbadge2plz: recieved from :icongoyoshiandshadow5791:


~William \"Vascillie\" Barclay
a.k.a. Shadowyoshi022


EDIT: Now accepting Critiques, thankyou!
© 2009 - 2024 Shadowyoshi022
Comments47
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dayraider's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

You have something to be very proud of here. The imagery that comes from this poem is epic! I could literally feel the emotion emanating from each stanza. I love how you start with the actions that they are going through. I also love how it starts off with the speaker and his brothers going over the hill. Then it then transitions to just him going over the hill. In the end, he is haunted by the past and realizing what is to come. It’s the haunting part in the end that strikes home. While not knowing anyone first hand that has been in a war, I know that many men who return from the horrors of war relive it every day.